After the Selfie Stick, What Else Should Disneyland Ban?

Starting this week, Disney plans to ban selfie sticks from its theme parks in Anaheim and Orlando. More bans are said to follow in Paris and Hong Kong in July.

Good! Selfie sticks are the worst.

While they’re in a draconian mood, here are some other things the human-mouse genetic hybrids who run Disney’s parks can prohibit.

1) Generic Selfies

If you’re going to take a selfie the old-fashioned way, at least have put in the thought to position yourself in front of something interesting: Maybe the castle, a beloved character or a really ugly tourist. How am I supposed to believe your “I’m at Disneyland” Snapchat if all I can see in the background is a cement wall?

2) Heads Up

Yes, the popular mobile game. No, it didn’t do anything wrong. But I’ve seen people playing it while I was in line for rides, and boy is it frustrating when their friends can’t guess their way out of a paper bag. It’s obviously Muhammad Ali, you nitwit!

3) Banjos

I’ve never seen a guest at the park with a banjo, but better safe than sorry. Be proactive!

4) Virtual Reality Headsets

This one is tough to recommend because virtual reality is one of the things I cover at Re/code, but it’s the right thing to do. Running a daily theme park is already a logistical nightmare; Disney definitely doesn’t need VR-loving randos running around Tomorrowland signing autographs because everyone thinks they’re characters from the next Tron movie.

5) The Gay Pride Isis Dildo Flag

C’mon, this is Disneyland. There may be impressionable CNN reporters around.